is anyone reading my blog other than my own cuz???? *really wondering*

is another day gonna be spent all alone today. my flat mate just back from her days off in sg and now today she's gng back on duty... best loh. sigh.... anyway rented a car last nite and drove home from work. cos too many deadheading crews from bangkok to bahrain. so it will probably take an hour plus just to get home for me...

anyway, i find that mitsubishi car is rather smooth to drive. unlike nissan or toyota.. it kinda gives u a different feel. hmm... oh well... anyway, still thinking if i should get a car here... my fren said if to get a car here is more convenient. yea.. i totally agree. cos if not we got to call our own drivers ie, illegal taxis cos is so much cheaper than the meter taxi. the cheapest to go and come home is abt 2 BD so convert to sg is abt $9 sg dollars. sigh.. oh well.. tat's the life here.

i've been such a irritating pest i find myself... kept calling my bf rather often lately. cos i can't stand being here all alone and sometimes no one to even talk to. like now, i feel like im talking to the com and telling it all my problems and troubles im facing living here. kinda pathetic.

my bf is gonna set up another biz with his frens who are females and best... around my age. it made me feel so useless... but anyway those 2 gals are rich and i'm not. rich gals get their way around to do anything they like... sigh... and he said he will not have time for me already if they start the cafe biz together. is like now, he's always so bz with his work and things and other committments he has, i really find myself a burden to him. what should i do.... each time when i'm back in sg he always find time for me and it saddens me to see him feeling so tired all the time when i'm back. he has to keep me company and go back to work and sometimes even not working to keep me company... i'm such a hazard to him....

i so wanna go back sg to be with him and also to find a job and also to complete my education. and at the same time, i dun wanna go back cos i will bring more burden and stress to him. i'm in such a dilema now... i really hate this place just wanna go back sg, but on the other hand i have to consider the consequences... please advise me what to do... i can't just leave here and go back, what abt the living expenses etc? the amount im earning here i definitely can't earn that same amount in sg.

if anyone reading this and who needs to hire please drop me a msg... i really do hope i can find a good job back home in sg where i can expand my career. there was one time i really can't help it but to apply for car sales position... best.... it happened to be my bf's fren. so sad... he kinda said i kinda dui ta de lian and i kinda like desperate siah to look for a job. but the fact is i'm desperate to get out of this place cos ia driving me crazy. i know i have disappointed him but i really do not know what to do... no one is gonna hire me who has only complete half her studies... if only one company can give me the chance to show them that i can do well in their company.

today is saturday.. how fast is almost mid of the month. i've lost track of the days and time already. i called jo today then i know today's actually saturday, and best... my fren is gng down to momo again to party... and im sitting here facing my laptop and tv. and having instant noodles. is this the kind of life i want. torturing myself here. no one hears my cries... ever since coming here, yes i admit i have learn many things and i'm still learning but being here long term is not what i want.

the money i'm earning here, everyone thinks is alot... but do u know that this is an international airline and the amount i've earned most for one time is almost $3K. and on an average i'm earning $2.4K... is so sad. i know accomodation and transport is provided to and fro of work but really... we have to survive here, with the high cost of living, and giving parents money, the handphone bills and also money to be spend downroute... sigh, i'm really trying very hard now to save u as much as i can. but really, the percentage of gals saving their salary here is like 15%-30%.... the rest... hardly even save or send money back home.

i admit my phone bills is soaring high... but i'm really controlling as much as i can. but when u're lonely certainly u would wanna call and talk to someone close to u, right. especially being here... is really depressing.... i just want my bf to understand that i call him cos i really wanted to hear him speak and by doing that it helps me to carry on living here each day away from home. i do have frens here, but u know, usually after flights the gals including myself would want to stay home and rest and catch up on our sleep... and others dun really wanna go anywhere cos of the hot weather here now, as it is summer... and august's the hottest period of the year. unlike, those people who are studying etc, they have frens in the campus and they are able to hang out at each other's home and studying etc. but how can i do the same here? only once in a blue blue moon....

oh well, is already 4.30m here while sg is 9.30pm.. sigh.. saturday nite... i've not been partying for a long time. just really wanna go out for once to let down my hair and enjoy and have a good time like i used to have before. i love to dance and i've not been dancing.... just want people to ask me out like the old times to go clubbing and partying... my favourite hang out used to be chinablack... but now i really have no idea. cos can u believe it... i've not been to chinablack for a year plus liao ever since i came here... sigh.. the last time i really let my hair down and party was during chinese new year with other gf gals in mdm wong. sigh... that was the last time. can u imagine that....

okie lah, guess that's all i wanna say for today, probably will tell u more on what's happening tomorrow. gonna send my flat mate to ops cos she gonna be flying later. take care guys....

rc: sorry for calling u again, sigh... i know i'm wasting money on calls. anyway u take good care. hope u have a good rest. missing u.... hugzzz...