nothing better to do... issit a torture to be here????

i know i have choosen this job and chose to live here. but im now finding it very tough to carry on. i really have no idea why is that so, maybe cos i've been tramautised before but anyway is kinda a living hell the pass few days for me here.

i was suffering from depression... which i think was rather kinda serious cos i actually was kinda hurting myself in some ways... almost pulled my hair out... im so bored here. my frens are all flying and some are sleeping cos they just back from flights. and i've been missing home so much til i really just wanna leave regardless of anything reprimanding here.

anyway, im kinda feeling better slightly, just still hoping and wishing to be able to go back to sg soon. all i've been watching on tv for the pass few days is news... sigh.... the main basic english channels are now showing arabia news on the saudi king's death. can u believe it... 4 english channels all showing the same thing. how stupid can these ppl get...

it has been really hot these few days and i can't wait for august to end so that the weather will be colder as year end approaches. i'm currently still looking for a job, i recently rejected a job cos of the location... somehow i felt kinda regretted. cos i so wanted to be home badly... been feeling so lonely here. sometimes i dun even have anyone to talk to. my circle of frens here are rather small...

well, guess u will say why dun i go mix around and make more frens. well... the close frens i have here is sporeans and few indonesians n thais... but always dun meet each other cos of the flying schedule... and from where im staying is kinda out of the way...

anyway, im here lying down on the sofa typing this and watching bbc news... tat's all i can watch here. i can even report the news now as i've been watching it since morning... and it has been repeating the same thing over n over again, unless we have some breaking news... hahaha

i'm just taking cock here... sigh... i've not been eating well, and yesterday i spent $27 sing dollars on dinner.. OMG!!! damn, shouldn't have decided to eat at hong kong restaurant here. it taste weird not like those traditional chinese dishes... and the wanton soup i had tasted funny... even the wanton doesnt taste like wanton. it taste more like some gluey stuff.

recently, i've been kinda driving someone up the wall, by calling and calling him. im sorry man, din wanna call so often but sometimes i really feel like i cannot breathe here. like im dying and really needed to hear a voice which can calm me down. i know u're very busy rc, anyway im trying my best to endure all these til year end.

i'll be heading to bangkok tonite. hope when im there i can feel closer to home... and those memories i have when i was there in june with my family n rc...

anyway, im kinda angry with indians.... i wanted to swap my london with this gal, and she has sg flight on the 7th... but the catch is she wanted days off on 14th n 15th aug. okie, i do not have what she wanted, but before she told me she wanted those days off, she told me, she can swap with me her sg flight since she has nothing to do there... but after hearing i do not have then she changed her mind. i'm like... since u have nothing to do there, let me go home... gosh! and she can easily swap with others again for days off on those 2 days... what a selfish bitch. im here home sick and she can still have the cheek to say oh... she has no use to go to sg only to eat n sleep... sigh...

pardon me for my language just that she made me waited for her replies for days... cos she said her fren wants to swap too... but din managed to cos of the days off din match. anyway, i'm just, praying tat after my bangkok trip, someone calls in sick on the flight to sg on 6th and i can volunteer to fly n hope they will let me cos i arrive in bahrain on the 5th. sigh...

another indians incidents, is the flight to trivandrum... gosh... i think all the indians is deprived of beers and whiskeys.... havent even take off,... pisssss pisss..... i wan beer, beer... heneiken... tiger... beer.... or... pissss.. pisss... whiskey whiskey... where is my soda... i want ice... damn!!!! i was doing my cart in the economy class before the aircraft i flew on this sector has only economy class. i just moved one seat to the back the front seat indian pax asked... miss miss... more whiskey... OMG... he just gulped the whole glass down... damn!!!! sigh... so so tired of these flight.... i couldnt take it on this flight and i broke down in tears also cos due to home sick. my first time in flight with tears...

i'm still thinking if i want to continue flying in future to change another airline or should i find a ground job instead? i love flying, just that the pax carried are really totally different from others... what should i do? flying is my passion. my frens asked me to try sq. but what do i really want, tat's the question...

i'm also hoping that i can complete my studies which is still left pending in 2 years time. oh well.. guess im being too greedy hehehe... wanna do all at the same time.

i've been losing my appetite lately, have no mood to eat, tired of the food here. and my fridge for the first time is depleting fast. reason for that is cos most of the food expired. hahaha...so got to gash them into the bin. even my cupboards too... the biscuits and chips gone to waste. for the past few days all my food intake is tea and water and bread and biscuits. sigh... how pathetic can i get... im craving for all the local food back home... arrggg... someone pls dhl over.

oh well, think i crapping too much... take care ppl...

rc, thanks for your support and the eudurance u have with me. i really appreciate very much. loving u always...

quote for the day before i sign off: "finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful wonderful feeling, but finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling". because i have. ^_^