我们为什么总是爱上错的人 把自己搞得一身狼狈

a week is over, and another week to go... shanghai's next destination.... im still afraid... how can i trust... wat will happen there? god please help me to trust him again... i know i can, but i keep drifting away....

finally im begining to love him more... why am i feeling this now and not then? i guess when i married him, was when he loves me more than i love him... now is the other way round, seems like im loving him more than he loves me.... how can i stop myself... i dun wanna be hurt and miserable again!

am i afraid of him cheating on me again? will he loves me as much as i love him now? why am i being cold and warm towards him... i wanna be cold to him so i dun have to love him too deep.... but i can't bear to at times.... why am i being so sensitive... why am i asking myself why????

i keep thinking about it and hurting myself.... tears will flow... why... i wanna see the whole thing! wat happened... how it happened... why cant this feeling just go away!!!

will a new job come and find me soon? i really wanna get out... im so tired... with her around, each time is gonna be a minimum crew flight with full load... will these all come my way? sometimes i really wish i can help others with my life...