After so many years...

Its been 5 years since i had last posted... Everything has changed. Richard no longer exist in my life...

And i've been married for a year plus now... Initially i really wonder if i chose this road on impulsed... I really knew Daniel in June07, he helped me and i was greatful... then we got together in Aug, we planned for our wedding from Dec. and got married a year later... Back then when it all started i was really touched by what he has done for me and i really appreciate him...

We did argue on and off but things didnt get that bad... we had even argue on our wedding day in the hotel room... what the hell was wrong with me... Now when i think back... Is so saddening.... After married... It somehow got worse... He was getting more busy, my work was getting shitty.. My mom was asking when we planning to move out and have a place... It all just happened too fast..

I was demanding and planned to view houses... Finally, we bought the house, but things just seem to be not enough for me. I wanted to change my job, and i keep saying and nagging... He didnt seem to be listening to my cries. and we carry on argueing... til now it had finally stopped... After he betrayed me... im now feeling very disappointed, sad, empty, insecure.... my tears will start flowing whenever i think of it... can i ever trust him again? why so many whys... and how come? He kept saying it was an act of foolishness.... but why.... why let urself be bittened.... and learnt it the hard way... Does he really deserve a 2nd chance? im so scared... really scared inside.... it hurts so bad!!!!! My heart is so pain.... i keep telling myself to stop thinking abt it.... but i cant.... why..... i wish it can all stop....

The hurt inside can't be explained... he is the last man on earth that i would consider him doing such a thing... But i was wrong... Man is all the same.... Even Richard did the same so many times and denying it anyway...

I had given him another chance... But will i be able to get over it? Will i stop bringing up this topic and this china gal...???? Will he ever cheat on me again???? I know i cant take any of this kind of blow anymore.... I wish i can just run away and hide.... Are his words true now? Or just keeping me cos of face, to face ur family and friends?

Feeling so lost and empty.... my heart is still numb... can i really dun look back???